[I'm migrating a few posts over to this blog from another. This seems to be a better place for them...]
I haven’t blogged here in a while. When Torrey and I created this blog, the intention was for the blog to empower others by sharing our relationship. Since May, I hadn’t even been able to empower myself the relationship with him, let alone making a difference for someone else. I knew I wanted to share, and I didn’t know how to couch my words responsibly. My mind was so full of resentment, regret, and an overwhelming sense of sadness. At that point in life, all I wanted to do was tell the world how shitty of a boyfriend he was and look at poor little me, being used and abused inside the relationship. I was justified in my opinions, right about everything, and gosh darn it, he was the bad guy and I wanted to make sure the world knew it! “He’s the bad guy and everything is his fault!”
Needless to say, that did not happen. Lucky for me, I had many things in my favor:
1. I had done the Landmark Forum so I knew the power of my little voice and the destruction is it capable of
2. I had great mentors who knew the difference between the bullshit when I complained and my commitment inside the relationship, and
3. I had enough good sense not to go and start a war with Torrey that I could not win.
I was fed up with it all. So, I decided to take my ball and go home. I broke up with Torrey at the beginning of August. I broke it off because it wasn’t working. I broke it off because I was miserable. The breakup conversation was actually really great. I will elaborate on the details in another post. But ultimately, in my heart of hearts, I broke up with him because I thought that he would change and beg me not to leave. It was a test you see, if he REALLY loved me, he would rearrange his life to be with me. Yeah… no. That did not happen. Since then, I have had to deal with the consequences of my actions and really tell the truth about what was really going on.
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